My Equilibrium is Shot!

I’ve noticed over the last few days that my balance, coordination and overall equilibrium are off. I can be sitting completely still on the couch and will feel my body start to sway; nearly to the point where I feel motion sick. It’s odd, but looking up towards the ceiling is the only thing that seems to bring me back to normal. I traveled last week for work; the plane was probably my worst bout of motion sickness yet. I came so close to getting sick, then gave in and took a Dramamine. I started to feel a little better towards the end of the flight, but traveling is not what it used to be.

Riding in the car is yet another feat. My husband is a good driver by most standards, but riding or heck, even driving myself I start to get motion sick. Yesterday, I took the advice of several of the September Moms-to-Be and invested in a pack of Sea Bands. They are these little grey cloth bracelets with a white plastic bead that hits your “acupressure points” on each wrist to help combat motion sickness, nausea and morning sickness. Let me tell you, these little buggers are TIGHT and I consider myself to have pretty small wrists. I wore them throughout the day yesterday and felt generally good. Last night, I placed them in my purse in case of emergency.

This morning, I should have been wearing my Sea Bands when I stopped at the gas station before going in to work. Again, I started having one of my dizzy/off-balance moments, then tripped over the cord for the gas pump and fell flat on my face. Good one. It was one of the weirdest feelings; everything happened in slow motion as I fell first to my knees, then to my hands in front of me, then finally my chin. Lucky for me, the concrete was covered in a thin layer of fresh mud to help break my fall. So now I am sitting here, angry with myself over falling and putting my little sweet-pea sized embryo in harm’s way; already.  At least I am wearing brown pants today.

“I’d rather have a pretty, fat girl”

Mr.A and I traveled to visit my family this weekend to celebrate “Christmas” since we were away for the real thing. To announce our news, we bought my dad a sweatshirt and had it embroidered with a 2inch ‘G’ and arched around it said, “World’s Greatest Grandpa” on the left chest.  

We got there late on Thursday and spent the day Friday with my parents. My brother couldn’t be home until around 6 on Friday, so we had to wait nearly a whole day to spill the beans. Finally once he got there, I couldn’t hold in my secret any longer. I got everyone to gather in the living room and gave my dad a nice red box with a satin bow to open. He took the shirt out of the box and just read the embroidery to himself at least a couple of times before I said, “Read it out loud”. My mom stood up with tears running down her face. She asked, “Really?!, Really!?” then, “Have you been lying to me about the infertility testing?” I explained to her that it had just somehow happened. We had intended to start Clomid in the next couple of months; but were very fortunate that we didn’t need to go for the S/A or begin taking Clomid.

Then was the true test; how was my brother going to feel about me being due so close to his wedding. Well first, he was thrilled about becoming an uncle. His fiancé was on the phone within minutes she too was thrilled. I told him that the thought of trying to fit into a dress while 40 weeks pregnant, or having just had a baby terrified me and that I hoped they wouldn’t be upset if I was not in the wedding party.  His FI suggested another friend to take my place and my brother blurted out, “I’d rather have a pretty, fat girl than her.” So, as it is today, he is still trying to convince me that I should stay in the wedding party. I guess only time will truly tell.

I am 5 weeks today, taking it day by day, week by week.

Holy Beta #2!!

The nurse from the OBs office today. My bloodwork came back; at 16DPO my hCG went to 268! So it more than tripled in 48 hours. I am going to rest a little easier until my appointment in 4 weeks. Just wanted to share the good news!

Feeling a little Different..

Does this overwhelming fear of losing this baby ever go away?! I went to the OB on Monday for my first blood draw. My hCG level was 85 at 14DPO. According to www.betabase.com this is close to the median (101), but I am worried that it is low. I went back for a second draw today, and I hope that they will call early tomorrow with the results; the wait just kills my nerves.


They scheduled my first ultrasound (u/s) and OB appointment for February 3^rd when I will be right around 8 weeks. That is 4 weeks from tomorrow which in my mind might as well be an eternity. I am so thankful to be where I am right now; I am just so hopeful and fearful at the same time.


I “feel” at least a little pregnant.

·         My (.)(.)s are sore, actually they are worse today than they have been. [Confession to follow] I usually wear push-up bras all the time, but they are too painful right now so I have reverted back to my more comfy bras.

·         My back is really sore. I don’t know if this is a pregnancy symptom or if I pulled it, but it hurts.

·         I feel some weird twinges in my lower abdomen, sometimes a little crampy, sometimes a little painful (when accompanied by gas) but for the most part just there.

·         I am generally warm. This is only odd because I am always cold. I used to wear my winter jacket throughout the day at work and sometimes would even resort to a blanket. Now, I am comfortable or even warm. They haven’t changed the building temperature, so I think its related.

·         I am constantly thirsty. I am drinking at least 5-6 16oz cups of water and sometimes additional fruit juice throughout the day; and I am still parched.

·          I am always hungry, for reference I will tell you my meals/snacks for today: 6am – fruit and yogurt smoothie; 7:30am – English Muffin with egg white, cheese and turkey sausage; 8am – Clementine orange; 9am – Granola bar; 11am – PB&J sandwich; 1:30pm – green pepper casserole leftovers from last night; 2pm – Clementine orange; 3pm – black berries; 4pm – triscuits and hummus. It’s 4:07pm now and all I can think about is what I am going to eat next. Should I have some homemade cookies? ::goes off to find more food::

Apprehensive..

I know this is my second post of the day, but my mind is going 100MPH and it helps me so much to write things on here.

We haven’t told my parents or brother about the big news yet; and I am a little apprehensive. My big brother; my best friend in life is getting married on 9/10/11, I am in his wedding, and I am due 9/12/11. He knows we have been struggling but I don’t want to “steal his thunder” right around his big day. But also, I cannot imagine traveling 3 hours away, waddling down the aisle and standing for an hour ceremony at 40 weeks pregnant. I know if I am fortunate to be pregnant with my forever baby, EDDs can change and are just that, estimates. We purposely avoided beginning treatment this past cycle so that it would not coincide with his wedding, but there is a thing about God’s plan; it doesn’t always happen like you think it would/should.

For today, even though I am apprehensive about telling my brother, and terrified about harming or losing this little ball of cells, I am still beyond elated.

One Year Ago

Exactly one year ago, I got to spend quality time with my Grandmother for the last time. Mr.A and I went to her new apartment at an assisted living facility to pick her up. She was glowing. My cousins had bought her a brand new red shirt for Christmas and she looked fantastic. We went out to dinner and then stopped to get her some basics from the grocery. I will never forget the last time I got to hug her and tell her that I loved her before parting ways that night.

In November my family unanimously decided to move her to assisted living. It was so difficult on her, she was losing everything she had ever known all because of a mini-stroke that had caused her to wreck (and misplace) her car. She had been pushing Mr.A and I to begin our family for months at this point and we had just began trying. I confided in her that we were trying to bring her just a little joy to help overcome the sadness of the move.

On January 4^th, she had a debilitating stroke that paralyzed the right side of her body. In the days to follow, I remained by her side in the hospital and hospice just telling her how much she has always meant to me and that it was alright for her to let go.

 On January 6^th, the most miraculous thing happened. She awoke from her sedated state at Hospice. Although the second stroke had paralyzed her left side as well, she opened her eyes, sat up in bed, moved both arms, tried to remove her oxygen and tried to speak. It was the first time in two days that I could see her through her eyes. I stayed with her until her body finally let go on Thursday, January 7^th 2010.

It is only appropriate to me that we first found out we were pregnant on January 1^st, exactly one year after I had seen my Grandmother and best friend for the last time since this is something she wanted as badly as we did. I love you Grandma.

I believe in God's Plan

It finally happened; I am pregnant!! Last night I was craving some bubbly so on a whim I tested (at 11DPO in the afternoon) just to put my conscience to rest; and lo and behold there was a shadow of a second line nearly instantly. I ran to the stairway and yelled to my husband. He stood at the bottom of the stairs; I couldn't even speak. I started crying, and could hardly get the words out that I thought there was a second line. He came up to me and hugged me asking, "that is good right?", clearly confused by my crying. All I could do was nod through the sobs. We went to the restroom and both just stared at the test with the slightest hint of a line. He agreed, he saw it but we decided we wouldn't let ourselves get too excited until we tested in the morning.


5am came very early after all of the NYE fireworks late into the night. I woke up and had to pee so badly. I knew if I peed without testing that it would no longer be FMU, and I knew if I got up and tested I would never go back to sleep. So I laid there, tossing and turning until finally 6am rolled around. I got up, PIAC and dipped my internet cheapie, then went back to my husband's side as we waited the 1-3 minutes. I looked and the line was slightly darker than the day before, but still very faint.


Mrs. FancyCats had mailed me an extra digital test months ago that I had been saving for just this very moment. I considered waiting until tomorrow or the next day, knowing that digitals sometimes cannot pick up the very faint levels before a missed period. However, I gave in. I dipped the digital, then waited by Mr.A's side for the hour glass to stop blinking. I told him at least 3 times that if it said, "not pregnant" it was ok because it was still so early. Honestly, with month after month of BFNs, I was half expecting it to say "not pregnant". But, it said pregnant!


We went out to breakfast and then came back to nap for a couple of hours and enjoy our wonderful New Year's Day together in our own little bliss-bubble. Knowing that miscarriages happen in roughly 1 in 4 pregnancies, I should be more cautiously optimistic, but I know that today I am pregnant and that is all that matters in my mind.