First Appointment

I had my first official OB appointment on Thursday. I was so excited and a little anxious. I knew that if everything was measuring where it should, if there was a heartbeat, and everything looked healthy that we would be able to announce to my extended family on my birthday.


Well, things didn't go as I had hoped. Mr.A and I waited in the lobby for over an hour and a half; which is normal for this OB. She is highly sought after, and spends time with each of her patients. First, I met with the PA who was wonderful. She did the normal checks of blood pressure, weight, breathing, heart rate etc. As I laid waiting for the OB, with the ultrasound machine next to me, I knew it would be an emotional visit.


The OB came in, she was so sweet. She knew how anxious I was to see my little sweetpea, so she prepared the internal u/s right away. It took her a few seconds to locate the gestational sac but there it was. The first thing she asked was how far along I thought I should be; 8w3d. She said the baby was measuring right about 6w1d. I started to cry; I knew something was wrong. I had been charting my cycles for 18 months, I knew that I had never ovulated that late and based on temps/OPKs I should have ovulated at the perfect CD14, for the first time ever.


She continued to measure everything and said that it had implanted high in my uterus, and that the yolk sac looked perfectly healthy-all good signs, but there was no heartbeat. She said that everything looked perfect for 6w1d and that it was too early to see the heartbeat. She ordered blood tests for more HCG levels and progesterone as well as three other vials. She said I shouldn't worry yet and tried to keep me as optimistic as possible, but I was a wreck. As we were leaving, I was scheduled for a follow up u/s next Wednesday to hopefully see growth progress and the heartbeat.


When we got in the car, I turned off my phone and sobbed. There were a couple of friends and my family who were all anxiously awaiting updates.  I couldn't even talk to my own husband, how could I talk to them? I felt like everything was caving in around me. I was so angry with myself; it took my freaking body this long to get pregnant and now I feel like it can't sustain a pregnancy either? FML.


Mr.A has stayed extremely (almost sickeningly) optimistic throughout this entire ordeal. He trusts that the Dr. wouldn't have printed off a copy of the u/s had she expected the worst. He trusts her calming words that everything could still be ok. I am trying so hard to just let go and let God.