Yes, that "s" needs capitalized. My interview was moved from Friday to Monday since my flight wouldn't get me in in time on Friday morning. Yesterday, I went knowing I would be meeting with a few individuals but did not anticipate meeting with four Directors and two Senior VPs. I began my interviews at 10am, and finished around 5; it was a loooonnnnnggggg azz day. By the end, my mind just couldn't process the questions being asked and my cheeks hurt from smiling.
I feel like it went pretty well, but wish I would have prepared myself with different scenarios of achievements, hurdles etc. I ended up using a lot of the same instances with each interviewer.
Please say a prayer if you can. I need this job to get my life and family back on track.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Blackout
We got [the majority of] our new appliances delivered this weekend and they are beautiful!! We had a bit of work to do to install everything, but it was completely worth it. The microwave is on back-order, but should be here before my mom comes next weekend.
Mr.A is as handy as they come; he installed the dishwasher without a hiccup. As I attempted to help him move the new range into place, the top moved quickly and my middle finger was sliced quite deep by some metal piece below. Mr.A ran upstairs to get his hand-dandy first aid kit as I stood there letting the blood pool in my hand. Eventually, I moved over the sink so as to not make a mess. I could hear him coming down the stairs and everything went white. I grabbed onto the sink and yelled to him that I thought I was going to pass out and needed to sit down. He came to my side and grabbed me just as I began to go down. Yep. I blacked out. Cold.
As I began to come to, all I could hear is him saying, "Breathe hun, breathe" but it was muffled and sounded very far away. I was a bit frustrated, thinking, "I am breathing".
According to him, I was only out a few seconds, but it felt like much longer. It was embarrassing, honestly. I don't know why I blacked out; I've never been squeamish about blood before and did not lose much at all. Now he jokes that he is afraid to leave me home alone with so many sharp objects and places I can hit my head.
Mr.A is as handy as they come; he installed the dishwasher without a hiccup. As I attempted to help him move the new range into place, the top moved quickly and my middle finger was sliced quite deep by some metal piece below. Mr.A ran upstairs to get his hand-dandy first aid kit as I stood there letting the blood pool in my hand. Eventually, I moved over the sink so as to not make a mess. I could hear him coming down the stairs and everything went white. I grabbed onto the sink and yelled to him that I thought I was going to pass out and needed to sit down. He came to my side and grabbed me just as I began to go down. Yep. I blacked out. Cold.
As I began to come to, all I could hear is him saying, "Breathe hun, breathe" but it was muffled and sounded very far away. I was a bit frustrated, thinking, "I am breathing".
According to him, I was only out a few seconds, but it felt like much longer. It was embarrassing, honestly. I don't know why I blacked out; I've never been squeamish about blood before and did not lose much at all. Now he jokes that he is afraid to leave me home alone with so many sharp objects and places I can hit my head.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Becoming a Mother
I once read this on a blog, today I feel the need to share.
There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
~Author Unknown
There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother."
~Author Unknown
Thursday, November 10, 2011
New Job??
I can only pray it will come to fruition.
I've been interviewing with the corporate headquarters of a nationwide company for the last couple of weeks. Originally, I had applied for a manager position but through my interviews they felt as though my strengths would be better suited doing the project management/change management that comes with new system implementation. I couldn't agree more. I have another interview with the VP in a week and cannot wait!
The perks of this job may even outweigh my commitment and loyalty to my current position. For instance, a 7 minute or 3 mile commute, very limited travel, 100% paid medical maternity leave, flexible schedules/telecommuting, a great work life balance, the ability to meet local people and create friendships near where I live and above everything else, this would give me the ability to CHOOSE whether or not I want to stay home with our children full time.
They have so many other wonderful benefits and the more I think about it, the more I am drawn to this company. I pray it works out.
I've been interviewing with the corporate headquarters of a nationwide company for the last couple of weeks. Originally, I had applied for a manager position but through my interviews they felt as though my strengths would be better suited doing the project management/change management that comes with new system implementation. I couldn't agree more. I have another interview with the VP in a week and cannot wait!
The perks of this job may even outweigh my commitment and loyalty to my current position. For instance, a 7 minute or 3 mile commute, very limited travel, 100% paid medical maternity leave, flexible schedules/telecommuting, a great work life balance, the ability to meet local people and create friendships near where I live and above everything else, this would give me the ability to CHOOSE whether or not I want to stay home with our children full time.
They have so many other wonderful benefits and the more I think about it, the more I am drawn to this company. I pray it works out.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Long time....no post....
I have been trying to keep offline to try to stay sane. If you've been following along, yes, we lost the baby. My hcg levels never rose above 30 and my progesterone began to fall nearly immediately. I began progesterone supplements three times daily but it couldn't prevent the inevitable from happening. Even though it was "easier", this second loss has really made me question everything about myself.
About once a month, I have these very very down days where I loathe myself. After two years, I had begun to question whether or not IF was a sign that I shouldn't get pregnant. Now after two losses, I am wondering if this is a sign that I shouldn't be a mother....or maybe not right now. To add to my questioning continuing on this TTTC and multiple loss path, last week my boss asked me to take an incredible opportunity with my work. This opportunity would promote me into a long-term, permanent postion plus an immediate increase in salary + another increase in a year, as well as giving me formal management responsibilities. Professionally, it couldn't be a better opportunity, but personally I feel like taking this position would be equivalent to giving up with my dreams of a family.
If I were to take this position, I would have to commute 4 hours and get an apartment and only come home on the weekends. I would have to wait at least a year to pursue having a family, and would see my husband less than I do now, if that is even possible. On the plus side, taking this position would springboard me into nearly any position I could ever want and allow for me to transfer nearly anywhere in the country. If I put off all babymaking and family for a year, careerwise I could potentially be set for life.
Mr.A said that he would fully support any decision I would make, but I honestly don't know what to do. We are young, we don't have to start our family yet. When we got married and I committed myself to the transient lifestyle that is a military wife, I never thought I would have a career worth keeping. I always thought I would feel success when Mr.A achieved his dreams and when we had our family. Now, I am terrified that giving up this incredible opportunity and my current job to have a family might not be the right choice.
I HATE hate hate the unknown and I hate that the universe seems to be steering me down a certain path....help me.
About once a month, I have these very very down days where I loathe myself. After two years, I had begun to question whether or not IF was a sign that I shouldn't get pregnant. Now after two losses, I am wondering if this is a sign that I shouldn't be a mother....or maybe not right now. To add to my questioning continuing on this TTTC and multiple loss path, last week my boss asked me to take an incredible opportunity with my work. This opportunity would promote me into a long-term, permanent postion plus an immediate increase in salary + another increase in a year, as well as giving me formal management responsibilities. Professionally, it couldn't be a better opportunity, but personally I feel like taking this position would be equivalent to giving up with my dreams of a family.
If I were to take this position, I would have to commute 4 hours and get an apartment and only come home on the weekends. I would have to wait at least a year to pursue having a family, and would see my husband less than I do now, if that is even possible. On the plus side, taking this position would springboard me into nearly any position I could ever want and allow for me to transfer nearly anywhere in the country. If I put off all babymaking and family for a year, careerwise I could potentially be set for life.
Mr.A said that he would fully support any decision I would make, but I honestly don't know what to do. We are young, we don't have to start our family yet. When we got married and I committed myself to the transient lifestyle that is a military wife, I never thought I would have a career worth keeping. I always thought I would feel success when Mr.A achieved his dreams and when we had our family. Now, I am terrified that giving up this incredible opportunity and my current job to have a family might not be the right choice.
I HATE hate hate the unknown and I hate that the universe seems to be steering me down a certain path....help me.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Failure
I feel like such a failure
We were blessed with a surprise +HPT in the days before the beginning of my first treatment cycle. So, horay! My body has finally figured out how to get pregnant, after two years. Sadly, it has failed to understand the concept of staying pregnant. According to my bloodwork, I am losing this baby too.
So, the one thing most natural in life seems so unattainable making me a failure of a mother, a wife, a woman.
We were blessed with a surprise +HPT in the days before the beginning of my first treatment cycle. So, horay! My body has finally figured out how to get pregnant, after two years. Sadly, it has failed to understand the concept of staying pregnant. According to my bloodwork, I am losing this baby too.
So, the one thing most natural in life seems so unattainable making me a failure of a mother, a wife, a woman.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Met with the new Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE)
Yesterday, Mr.A and I went to meet with our new RE. I always get so nervous before appointments like this, where I feel as though the outcome of the appointment could determine the rest of our lives. First we met with a young medical student who went through my records from Dr.K, my bloodwork, loss, diagnosis of MTHFR etc. She was pretty knowledgeable and very personable. If she becomes a RE, she will do well. She left, then returned with Dr.S, a nationally recognized infertility specialist.
Dr.S went through Mr.A's medical history, and ordered him to get a S/A before we begin treatment in two short weeks.
Dr.S was patient with me as I asked my one million and one questions. She was very knowledgeable on MTHFR and stated that my particular gene mutation is the one where having extra folate was critical. She also wanted to run some bloodwork to check my homocysteine levels which can rise if your folic acid intake is not enough. A pregnant mother with MTHFR and increased homocystein levels is much more likely to have a child with neural/tubal defects; which we are trying to avoid. In addition, Dr.S said that recent research has shown a correlation between a mother taking asprin prior to ovulation and infertility. After I was diagnosed with MTHFR, I was told to take one baby asprin daily to aid with conception. Dr.S asked that I only take it now after I have confirmed ovulation.
Next, we discussed my low progesterone levels when I was pregnant before. She told me that as soon as I get a +HPT, to begin progesterone immediately. Since I was on CD20, she ordered a blood draw to check progesterone. I had a voicemail this afternoon, she didn't leave results but asked me to return their call. By the time I listened to their voicemail they had already closed for the day.
Finally, we discussed our path forward and costs. Beginning next cycle, we will begin monitoring and introduce an HCG trigger shot to force ovulation. The trigger will only be around $75, but if the ultrasounds are not covered by my insurance (may or may not depending on how they are billed), they will be nearly $300 each. After trying this route for a few months, we will move onto IUIs will will be a little more expensive each cycle.
Overall, the appointment went really well and we are excited to move forward. We just hope that with our insane travel schedules, everything works out and I am able to get pregnant.
Dr.S went through Mr.A's medical history, and ordered him to get a S/A before we begin treatment in two short weeks.
Dr.S was patient with me as I asked my one million and one questions. She was very knowledgeable on MTHFR and stated that my particular gene mutation is the one where having extra folate was critical. She also wanted to run some bloodwork to check my homocysteine levels which can rise if your folic acid intake is not enough. A pregnant mother with MTHFR and increased homocystein levels is much more likely to have a child with neural/tubal defects; which we are trying to avoid. In addition, Dr.S said that recent research has shown a correlation between a mother taking asprin prior to ovulation and infertility. After I was diagnosed with MTHFR, I was told to take one baby asprin daily to aid with conception. Dr.S asked that I only take it now after I have confirmed ovulation.
Next, we discussed my low progesterone levels when I was pregnant before. She told me that as soon as I get a +HPT, to begin progesterone immediately. Since I was on CD20, she ordered a blood draw to check progesterone. I had a voicemail this afternoon, she didn't leave results but asked me to return their call. By the time I listened to their voicemail they had already closed for the day.
Finally, we discussed our path forward and costs. Beginning next cycle, we will begin monitoring and introduce an HCG trigger shot to force ovulation. The trigger will only be around $75, but if the ultrasounds are not covered by my insurance (may or may not depending on how they are billed), they will be nearly $300 each. After trying this route for a few months, we will move onto IUIs will will be a little more expensive each cycle.
Overall, the appointment went really well and we are excited to move forward. We just hope that with our insane travel schedules, everything works out and I am able to get pregnant.
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