Stress and TTC

I never realized how much stress a person could put on themselves over something that is reasonably out of their control. I always thought that having children was one of those things that was not "planned" per-se. I was always told that "if you wait until you are ready, you will never have children". That is not entirely true.

Mr.A and I have been living like we are still in college, saving every dime that is unspent in our monthly budgets. We had a designated savings for buying a house; then once we cleared that life hurdle, the savings changed to the Baby/Emergency fund. I would say that Mr.A and I are as emotionally and financially ready as we could possibly ever be.

The stress of TTC has been a burden I felt the most. I was the one always temping, taking PNVs, watching what I ate and drank and keeping track of my CM and cycles. Mr.A is a realist. He knows that people have been getting pregnant for thousands of years without assistance; without science. For the last year, he never understood why CD1 and consistently BFNs were always so hard for me. There were times that he wouldn't be able to muster the energy to BD around my ovulation and didn't understand why it would upset me.

Over the last few months, he has started to really come around. He wants this just as much as I do. He has started taking supplements of his own to help boost his health and fertility. He is much more in tune with my charting and really wants to understand everything. I appreciate his new attitude, but have also realized how much pressure it is putting on him.

As much as I want to begin the fertility testing in the next couple of months, I feel so many reservations. I want so badly to believe that it will happen when it happens. I want to try the cliche route of relaxing for the next 4-6 months. But then I realize that I have "relaxed", I have given up charting, I have tracked my cycles, taken OPKs, drank 10 different types of tea and POM, BD'd EOD and ED; I have done everything within my control and it still hasn't happened.