Meltdown

It has just been one of those weeks! Work has been busy and I've been so frustrated with the silos of my company that don't communicate appropriately. I've been working on a project for literally weeks, and tasks are added nearly daily. I don't have any support as of yet, since they haven't approved any of the three positions to be hired for my team, and I feel like I am drowning.

I had a bitter infertile meltdown earlier this week. Just one of those days where I want to scream, "why me?!" up to the high heavens. It seemed as though nothing could go right. Work was frustrating, my body wasn't working correctly, my credit card payment auto-debited from the wrong account overdrawing my checking account by $300, then the only thing I had been looking forward to ALL.DAY.LONG., my nice dinner out, was spoiled. Looking back, it really doesn't seem that bad, but I am telling you, it just felt like the hits just kept coming.

I've tried to channel my unhappy feelings into helping others, and most days it really does help me. It give me the sense of purpose I sometimes feel I am lacking. Recently my office went to a special needs school to do an Easter egg hunt, egg dying, meet the Easter bunny and just enjoy the day. I met some of the most amazing individuals and have fallen in love with the school. Some of the girls were in their spirit gear that day, and I found out that they have a cheer squad. I've danced my entire life and would love to volunteer with the school to help coach the squad. I don't have too much experience working with children and people with special needs, but I hope they might consider allowing me to help.

Quick update on my broken body: We've had a completely natural cycle #31 aside from the progesterone post-ovulation. I am not expecting a miracle, but hope is a heck of a thing; it won't let me go. But with hope, comes heartache and disappointment.