Worst Week

This week has been so hard on me. I am not sleeping well, surrounded by poor company, uncomfortable and itchy, and am questioning WTF I am doing.

I am not sleeping. Mr.A was also out of town this week, so I brought our fur-baby along with me this week to my company’s headquarters. The only pet-friendly hotel within a 50 mile radius of the office is a shady Holiday Inn Express, which likely has hourly rates in addition to nightly. At first it wasn’t so bad. Yes, I am used to being surrounded by likeminded business travelers, but this place has a nice courtyard perfect for my pup. The first night was awful. Pup is extremely vigilant and not used to noises, so she was up grumbling and growling at least twice an hour. In addition to not sleeping, work has been tiring and stressful, so it is difficult for me to spend quality time exercising with her when all I want to do is sleep.

Last night was a little better, she probably only woke me up a handful of times. However, this morning I realized that we weren’t the only ones sleeping in our hotel room over the night (see point #2 below).

I am surrounded by poor company. In addition to the Holiday Inn Express patrons, I am surrounded by cockroaches. No kidding. I found one the size of my hand this morning in my room (not really, but UGH!). Mr.A would be so proud that I took care of the rat sized roach all by myself; but what choice did I have? I want so badly to leave, but there isn’t anywhere else for me to go.

I am uncomfortable and itchy. The poison came back. Before my trip last week, I ran to Urgent Care for another steroid injection and another round of Prednisone pills. I am washing with Zanfel, using steroid cream, taking the pills and it has not gone away. I am so uncomfortable because somehow the worst of it is on my inner thighs (no clue why), and is accompanied by broken blood vessels and bruises from my constant scratching.

The icing on the cake is the fact that I cannot stand being at my company’s headquarters. After the move, I have had to be extremely careful not to let anyone on to the fact that I sometimes work from home. It wouldn’t matter to anyone that I travel 95% of the time; just the 5% that is unaccounted for. While I am here, people question me and I am scared to death that I am going to get my bosses in trouble. They have done their best to work with me these last few weeks while I have gotten settled and I would hate to see their acts of good will kill their careers.

After I was questioned today, I nearly broke down. I left for lunch to go let my fur-baby out and took some time to look inward. I should be getting ready to take maternity leave and if I were, none of this would be an issue. I would be leaving work on the highest of high notes, having been through my pregnancy with phenomenal insurance, and would have 6-8 weeks paid maternity leave to look forward to. Since we sold the house (yeah, I forgot to mention that we closed on Monday), we would have no issues living on just Mr.A’s salary and I would be a happy SAHM.

But, none of that is going to happen. So I am at a crossroad. Should I stay in a job that makes me happy, but could come crashing in around me at any given moment? Should I risk the careers of those who have helped build me into the professional that I am today? Or should I leave on a high note, praying that  I will find something that would make me happy and not force me to decide between my marriage, my pup, my sanity, and my sleep.  I really don’t know, maybe that is why I feel smothered and stuck.