I have never bought things, especially not nice things, for myself. I am a bargain hunter through and through; I love a good deal and find myself buying hideous clothing just because I can get a good deal. Over the last few months I have made a habit of escaping through shopping. I claim that it’s because I am traveling so frequently with work that I need some nice things and a decent array of different outfits. Deep down I know that I am just trying to fill a void in my life and right now. Wearing nice things really does make me feel good about myself; and some days I really need that.
Christmas time means selfless shopping for others. Mr.A and I carefully planned and bought for everyone on our lists except for his Brother and wife; they were our last stop. His brother’s wife just had their second child (his third) in September. We have never got along with them; which is really sad. We have all tried in our own ways to make it work, but we all have very different morals and values. Regardless, I wanted to get them and my beautiful nieces nice gifts. Yesterday, after my second BFN, feeling sick and emotionally unstable I idiotically went to Buy Buy Baby to look for gifts for my nieces.
Can you imagine the number of young children, babies and pregnant women who are in a baby store the size of Bed Bath and Beyond!? In case you can’t, they were everywhere! After daydreaming, trying to stay hopeful for my own BFP and eventually making it back down to Earth, I found some nice things for my nieces. I found myself on the verge of tears throughout the entire shopping trip. Wondering to myself if I would ever be able to have children; wondering if I had done something to deserve the torture of BFN after BFN.
No comments:
Post a Comment