Yesterday was a wierd day. I was asked if I was pregnant by two strangers within about an hour span.

I went to David's bridal to be fitted for and order my bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding. This alone brought up a lot of suppressed emotions. I was supposed to be 40weeks pregnant at my brother's wedding, going into labor while trying to walk down the aisle (not really!), which scared me enough to give his fiance time to find a replacement for me. Obviously (to me anyway) I am not pregnant, so I am back in the wedding party.

Well, I go into DB and am paired with a friendly associate. She gathers a couple of sizes of the dress and I try them on. One fit perfectly. The waist is quasi-empire, but *just in case* I miraculously become pregnant before then, I wanted to order a size up. The associate looked at me like I had 3 heads and loudly said, "Are you pregnant!?". I simply said no, but that I wanted one size up.

I left there feeling sick to my stomach. I thought all of these feelings would go away with time, but every milestone I am missing, every date celebration just remind me that I am a childless mother; it makes me more sad than I could ever admit in real life.

My open house was winding down and I wanted to catch the realtor before she left so I left DB feeling down, and headed home. I walked in, had a little small talk, some feedback and then a blatant, "Are you pregnant?". WHAT!? Where did that even come from? I have lost weight and am down to my college weight. I knew it wasn't that. Then she leads me into the office and tells me that when there was a lull in the open house, she was looking through my bookshelf and saw my 6+ pregnancy books. I took a deep breath, and slowly said, "No. I was, but lost the baby." I shouldn't have to explain myself, in my own home, after a crappy, dreary day.

So yeah, yesterday was a wierd day that brought up a lot of emotions I have tried suppressing.

One day at a time.